Introducing Eli (Co-Pilot)

May 28, 2019

I will probably be crying the entire time I am writing this because not only is this journal entry something that is close to my heart, but I am also raging with emotions right now… dang hormones. Haha but seriously, I have about a break down a day with no signs if it easing up at all. Haha. 

Let’s start with how it all started. It was Wednesday the 22nd and I go in with Taylor to Dr. Kirkman’s office to go get checked and to get my membranes stripped. Well, apparently I was not dilated enough for him to want to strip my membranes BUT he was concerned about my blood pressure because it was high. I figured it was high because all day I figured I was getting my membranes stripped… Well I was not, which I was disappointed about. He said to go to an instacare on Saturday to see if my blood pressure was still high, and if it was, to go to Labor and Delivery to see what they had to say about it. Well… I actually decided to just go on Thursday because I was anxious and somewhat under the impression it was only high because of the thought of the induction. I went to the instacare and it was even higher… I told myself I would wait until the next day to call Dr. Kirkmans office to see what they wanted me to do. The next day I woke up really nauseous and decided to call them because nausea and high blood pressure was a sign of preeclampsia. I called their office and was told to go to Labor and Delivery after I was done working. 

I get off of work, really trying to hold back excitement if I was going to be induced. I really just wanted a baby. I don’t think it would have killed me if they told me to keep waiting, but man, I just wanted a baby. Haha. Tay and I get things ready around the house, I pack my toiletry bag just in case and we head to Labor and Delivery...

Sure enough my blood pressure was still high, but not too high. The Dr said he would leave the choice up to me but that he encouraged an inducement. I said “Ya, let’s have a baby!”. Tay and I call my mom, who by the way was freaking out this entire time because she was so excited for me to have my baby! Taylor played a joke on her saying the Dr said to go home and she was all bummed out. Haha then Tay told her the truth and she was on her way to the hospital within the hour. 

How did I feel? SO STINKING EXCITED! I was somewhat bummed that I was not going naturally, but I knew it would all be okay. As soon as they set up the monitors, they were surprised to see I was already having strong contractions and that I was effaced to a 90%! They said things were moving right along and BOY WERE THEY RIGHT! Myself, including the nurses and Dr figured it would take about 24 hours from that point, which is normal for a first baby AND induction. So when they broke my water,  told me I was dilated to a 4 and 90% effaced, I asked right away for an epidural… That is where things get rough…

Ya… it didn’t really work… the epidural was as painful as I imagined, which was pretty painful, but I was right away thankful because my contractions were getting really strong! I thought it would be fine, figuring the anesthesiologist knew what he was doing, when the nurse said I was a little tilted to the left. I didn’t think it was a big deal… well, I think it ended up being a big deal because for the next 5 hours, I felt every contraction and during the birthing, I could feel it all!!!!!!!

They figured the epidural was just needing to spread itself down my body which is why it was taking a while. I knew something was wrong when they said they would put a catheter in but that I wouldn't feel a thing… ya I felt the ENTIRE THING!!!! 

Soon my contractions were getting really strong and I was shaking bad and feeling a lot of pain...They tired this other drug which helped for about 20 minutes. I could tell my mom and nurse wanted to try again for the epidural but when they checked me, I was dilated to a 10! Time to push. By the way, at this point, Taylor had YET to leave my side. He didn’t eat, go to the bathroom, or anything. With every rough contraction, he was right there telling me I could do it attached with a million kisses. It was exactly what I needed! I just cry thinking about how much love and support he gave me and in those moments, our relationship grew tenfold! I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for Taylor and the love, support and eternal bond we have.

The contractions were getting so bad. I could feel them all. Every push I was hoping would be the last… that thought lasted for an hour and a half… as it got closer I could feel Eli’s head RIGHT THERE!!! I could have sworn it was almost done but then I was told “maybe next set of pushes”. I remember being in another WORLD! I did NOT feel present. I just tried focusing on the breathing and pushing. With each exhale of a push I would scream out in pain. I remember Tay encouraging me along. At one point, my mom came over and encouraged me! They all were so supportive! I would feel the contraction building and when I said “Go”, Tay and the nurse would push my legs in and I would push. Pushing was hard for me… I don’t know why. I kept getting the feeling between holding my breath and pushing out poop confused. It was really hard! 

When the time finally came, I could tell Eli was about to make his entrance! I got a boost of energy/ adrenaline and pushed with all my might, Taylor cheering me on telling me he was right there! I could tell he was. I felt his head pop through and then his shoulders and then it was all over! Taylor started crying and later when I asked why he said he was relieved I was out of pain but also so filled with love seeing Eli. He started crying hard and all I could feel was relief. The Dr cleaned off Eli and I just watched with the utmost peace I have had after something so difficult. He was perfect. My mom heart grew with such a love, attachment and bond. That same feeling I felt when he was in my belly - love, friendship, family, and the spirit was now right there before my eyes. 

My baby boy was here. They placed him on my chest and rubbed him down. His little cry filled the room and Taylor and I kissed. Family. My perfect little family. It was the best feeling in the entire world. All of those moments Tay and I would love on, pat, and even talk to my belly seemed to grow in that moment as we kissed on and beheld our son, Elijah Taylor Woodall. 

Elijah Taylor Woodall born on May 25, 2019 at 12:06am. Weighing 7 lbs and 12 ounces and measuring 20.5 inches. The nurse told us he was PERFECT! As the nurse checked him out, Taylor was right there and it was like Fatherhood was built into him. He was already saying “Eli, it’s Daddy. It’s okay bubba, it’s Daddy.” My heart exploded! 

I was pushing out my placenta and getting stitched up, which yes, I could feel every stitch…  The Dr looked at the nurse and asked why the epidural didn’t work. She said she thought it would just need time but looks like it didn't’ work… Oh well… it’s over… but man it was traumatic! 

Mom. She was there the entire time. Having her there was such a blessing and I am so thankful she was there to cheer me on and be my support! I love her so much and will cry and explain later just how thankful I am for her. 

After they were finished with Eli, we did skin to skin and I felt exhausted. Taylor for the first time left my side so that he could use the restroom haha. Bless his heart! Mom was also exhausted and so when things settled down, she went to our house to sleep. Taylor and I just stared at Eli, not even really believing he was ours:) 

We headed to our room where we would finish our stay. The nurses checked us in, gave us the low down and we tried to sleep. Taylor, Eli and I were all exhausted. Sweet Taylor stayed up, not really able to sleep because he kept checking on Eli to see if he was breathing and okay. OH YA! I forgot to mention that at this point, Eli was becoming the best little breast feeder EVER! He latched WONDERFULLY and really liked the milk:) Which made my mama heart BURST with joy! I was so thankful that it all happened so smoothly. Anyway, I slept pretty well, just getting up to feed Eli or when the nurse came in to push my belly down to release a lot of blood and fluid :/ (Not a very pleasant experience).  

The first night came to a close and Taylor came into bed with me. We held Eli and couldn’t stop staring at him. In awe and amazement that he was so perfect. Our hearts were so filled with love. It is beyond words to express how much I loved watching Taylor fall into the roll of Father. He is amazing and so filled with love. I knew he would be good at caring for, loving, watching after and taking on the responsibility, but WOW! He has surpassed every expectation I had and could have dreamed to have! There is nothing like taking the moments out of life to forget time and enjoy the people you love which is exactly what we did in that hospital bed that morning. 

Other than my mom, Dad and Samantha were our first visitors. Seeing Dad and Samantha’s eyes tear up at the sight of Eli, made me cry as well. I love seeing my dad as a Grandpa and my sister as an Aunt to my baby boy. I know they love Eli and love seeing me as a mom:) Something Samantha said that I loved was - “I love seeing how excited Taylor is. He is on a whole other level of happy”. I couldn't agree more! Even my mom said there were 3 moments in the hospital that she will never forget about Taylor - It was right after our first night, so our first day. Mom came to the hospital after spending the night at our place and she said she couldn’t help but laugh inside a little when she saw Taylors exhausted face. She said it was the face of new father:) Then he other favorite moment was Eli’s first poopy diaper haha. Taylor changed it and OH BOY was that an experience. Hahahahahaha. I just laugh thinking about it:) Eli had his really sticky first poop and it was huge. Poor Taylor was trying to change it and was getting poop all over his hands hahahahahahahahaha. He finally lifted up his poop hands, looked at my mom and said “Tammy”... hahahahhahah. Sweet mom then helped him. Haha. The last moment my mom said she will never forget is the moment Taylor saw Eli. I was finally out of pain and Eli was here - Taylor broke down and just cried. It was a very sweet and tender moment. One I will hold in my heart forever.

Well, the time had come to finally go home:) After being traumatized by one of the nurses about my breast milk not being enough and needing to supplement, we were on our way home:) (Yes… I kind of had a nurse jump the gun, before I had time to think and talk with Taylor about supplementing breast milk because she didn’t think I had enough…. Let’s just say I was NOT happy with her… All of my other nurses were amazing but of course the nurse that sent us home had to be her… Anyway… with that over we were out the door:) I could tell Taylor was nervous and I was totally fine so we had a good mixture of emotions:) We got Eli settled in the car and Taylor insisted I sit by him and check on him throughout the ride. Thankfully our car ride was only 3 minutes long or else I think Taylor would have exploded hahahahah. So far, Taylor has taken over the role as the “worried parent” hahaha. Coming home was easy. Taylor and my mom had cleaned before we got there and it was in perfect condition to introduce a baby to:) We settled on the couch which would soon become our favorite hang out spot:)  

Being home has been so good but also emotional. The sleep is minimal and 2nd night in at home it was ROUGH. Eli was breaking his latch and I was worried (thanks to that Nurse…) that I was not making enough milk for him and he was up all night. After that night, Eli has been sleeping every 2-3 hours which is exactly what a newborn is supposed to be sleeping:) Some times are more rough, like he’ll be wide awake for 2 hours during the night, but honestly, between Taylor soothing him and my milk, Eli is one happy dude:) 

It is now June 2nd - 

Breastfeeding was painful at first. Thankfully my milk settled in around day 3-4 and now my niples don’t feel a thing. It is amazing and cool to feel my milk tingle it’s way down as Eli sucks. Haha, yesterday he was eating and my milk was coming faster than he could swallow. He detached himself and coughed up milk - it came out his mouth and nose haha. Shocked, I tired finding the burp cloth but my boob was still leaking and was dripping all over his face. Hahahaha. Poor dude. Haha. 

Taylor and I are down to a good sleeping routine - I feed and if Eli starts stirring before the 2-3 hour mark, Taylor soothes him. Eli usually poops and pees between every feeding so we change him ½ way through feeding so he will wake up again for the other side. Taylor and I usually tag team the diaper changing because Eli doesn NOT like the cold wipe on his bottom - I don’t blame him. Haha

Taylor and I have been getting out more. We went to Arctic Circle to get shakes and then we went on a drive:) Eli and I have gone to the park with Nana and we’ve done a family walk a few times:) It’s been great:) It is crazy to me how life around us keeps changing - the leaves and flowers have come in, everything is green, and people are bustling around. But it feels like my world has stopped! I couldn’t even believe it had been a week! But, thankfully, things are getting back to normal:) 

I now just want to take a moment and brag about how amazing my mom is! Not only have things been SO crazy with Grandma Cheryl getting SO SO SO sick (literally she will pass any day now:( ), Samantha graduating, Dad and his shoulder surgery, and then just the crazy life of my mom… she took every day for a week to be with us, make us meals, clean, love on Eli, watch Eli as we slept, and was just amazing! I could not believe the love and constant giving she gave to us this week! Literally an entire week and let me tell you, it was HARD to let her leave. I cried like a baby! Even if she did nothing at all, it was just so nice to have her there to talk to and to love on my baby with. I am SO thankful for my mom and the love she gives me and my little family. I can only hope and pray to be as selflessly giving as her one day. 

Now let’s talk about how amazing Taylor is! Just to give you an example - Taylor received bad news that the flight program he was hoping to get a job with this summer is probably not hiring for a while (which is now what they told us the 2 other times Taylor talked to them). We had been planning on them and banking on Taylor getting that job. We were both upset when Taylor received news for a 3rd time that they were pushing back interviews! Instead of sulking and being all bummed he held Eli in his arms and enjoyed him. It made me cry to see that Taylor could take a negative situation and instead, focus on the joy in our life- Eli. Taylor has also just been so helpful in getting up with Eli, cuddling Eli, and looking after him so that I could get some rest. One thing I am amazed at is how gentle and loving Tay is toward Eli. I swear there are moments Eli prefers Taylors cuddles and kisses to mine! It’s like Taylors kisses can put him back to sleep. I shouldn’t be surprised because Taylors cuddles, love and kisses are some of my favorite things.  I also thought a lot would change in mine and Tay’s relationship sexually and thankfully we just want to kiss and love on each other as much, if not more, than we did before. I know that is because our relationship has gotten stronger and our bond is more tight. 

I wouldn’t call it postpartum depression but WOW! My hormones took me for a loop a few of those days. BTW, it is now June 3rd. I have to write when I can. Haha. But there were a few days/ hours out of the days where I was just so sad, then happy, then angry then remorseful, etc. I couldn’t believe my hormones and I was nervous about them. Thankfully the more I breast feed and look for things to do throughout the day, I am a lot more happy and positive and a lot less emotional. One day I was feeling a rush of emotions as I looked at pictures of Eli and then of just Tay and I before Eli and cried that I was going to miss those days with just Tay and I but then I felt bad for feeling that way so I cried because I wanted to be more happy to have Eli. haha. It was a crazy ride. Thankfully Taylor helped me through it. I have to say, that those moments that were emotional, it was good to get out/ talk to mom and Taylor. 

One thing I am loving is the spirit that has come into our home. Little Eli has SUCH a strong spirit and I feel so whole and peaceful with him in our life. I still have a postpartum belly and jokingly, the other day, I tried cuddling and loving it like I use to do when Eli was still in there… WOW just the feeling shocked me that there was not a spirit about it any more. I was shocked at the feeling of nothing as I hugged my belly but then that same feeling I use to feel when I cuddled my belly was there when I looked at Eli. Heaven is close, oh so close. 

Something that has been weighing on my mind is Grandma Cheryl. I know she is doing a lot worse and I want to go see her but I am torn because I feel like it is too early to take Eli that far:( But I don’t know how I would do if I was not able to say goodbye… One of the things that has kept me going is thinking about Eli saying goodbye to Grandma. I don’t know why I have been holding onto this, but I have. I just want them to meet and I want to say goodbye to Grandma but can you imagine how horrible it would be if something happened to Eli in a car accident on the way there or the way back? I would NEVER forgive myself. AGH torn thoughts. I asked mom to see if she could get a estimation from a doctor as to how much longer they think Grandma has… We are for sure going down to Bountiful for Fathers day in 2 weeks and Eli will be 3 weeks old which makes me feel better… but what if Grandma does not have that long… we will see. 

One thing I am thankful that I get to do is to read Grandma’s testimony at her funeral. I am really thankful for that opportunity. I’ll let you know what I end up putting together:) 

June 4th - One thing I have been especially grateful for is that the weather has been amazing! No joke, I live for walks outside with my little family! Yes, I get tired fast and it’s not so comfortable down in the “Lady Parts” but… enjoying the sunshine and just getting out to do something with Taylor has been so nice! 

Speaking of Taylor, he has a flight instructor interview with Logan’s A.E. Flight program tomorrow and I am so excited for him! I hope and pray that he not only gets the job, but that it is everything he needs and wants it to be. 

Something else I have been thinking a lot about the last 10 days is the moment Taylor told me he loved Eli. I knew he did, and I loved him too, but while we were in the hospital room holding him, loving him, and staring at him, Taylor turned to me and said “I love him”. It was such a special moment for me to hear from the Man I love most that he loves Eli as much as I do. I am so thankful for that moment. 

Nipples… Yup… it was killer at first! My mom called it the “curling of the toes” moment when ELi would first latch and take his first couple of sucks. I didn’t bleed but I had some calluses/ scabs:( It’s been 10 days now and my breasts are so engorged that I sometimes beg and pray Eli will get up soon so that I can nurse him. I LOVE nursing! I love the bond I feel when I’m with Eli and helping him to not just survive, but to be healthy and grow. It makes me feel so good! 

Eli’s first bath was adorable. I didn’t help because I was sitting in a chair in the hospital, exhausted. Haha but Taylor helped and it was the cutest thing ever! Eli does NOT like being cold, but they wrapped him up and then washed his head under the warm water and he LOVED that. Haha. He smells so good. Sometimes when he yawns, I put my nose right up to his mouth so I can smell his breath:) 

What I already love about Eli? I love his ears and how his little lobes poke forward. I love when he is stretching and he purses his lips together. When he is resting I love how his lips just naturally fall and look just like his dads. His little grunts make my heart burst! I feel like I do similar grunts but his are just SO much more cute! I love how he loves to be cuddled and kissed by Taylor. Eli could be screaming while getting his diaper changed but as soon as Tay talks to him, tells him “Eli, it’s Daddy”, Eli calms right down. Eli LOVES Tay’s kisses and so does mommy. I love how Eli recognizes mine and Tay’s voice and he calms down or looks at us while we are talking to each other or him.  I love how he holds my hand especially when he is breast feeding:) Honestly, I am so thankful how good of baby Eli is! 

I have to say something that I have realized I am more emotional and aware of is how vulnerable I am that I can’t live without Tay and Eli. It absolutely terrifies me thinking about the “What if’s”. I need my Tay and I need my Eli! They are my whole world. 

Before I finally finish this extremely long journal entry, I want to share some of the first with Eli that I remember -  

Day 5 was his first smile

Day 4 my milk came in

Day 6 he peed on his face and the milk sprayed in his face

Day 8 he sucked up so much milk that started choking on it… it then came out of his nose, mouth and got all over him. haha

Day 10 was his first bugger. 

Well there you have it:) I have LOVED my 10 days as a mother so far and I have LOVED the last 10 days watching Taylor be the most amazing dad! Bye.

Nicolle Woodall